The Future decided to rampage around my thoughts, posing questions about Matthew that dont often surface amidst the sea of optimism about how well he is progressing since 'the diagnosis'
The Future had the cheek to remind me that Matthew will be 4 in a few weeks time and it decided a timely little jolt was in order to remind me that when Matthews older brother celebrated being 4, there was all manner of celebration and words to tell him what a big boy he was and all manner of replies back, that 'yes, indeed he was' all said with a big proud grin and that he would be starting 'big' school in a few months to follow.
Matthew, however... is the Quiet Man, a boy of few words which we now know is part of his diagnosis of Autism ..yet, one look in his eyes, very often says more than what 50 words could try and express. Blessed with a wicked sense of humour, beautiful eyes and a spirit that gives him more character than any words could capture, Matthew is a force to be reckoned with.
So why was it then, that The Future managed to have its wicked way and run rampant through me, questioning all the unspoken worries for Matthew? Why does it make my heart ache wanting to be able to see inside his head and know his thoughts when the smile on his face often says all I need to know?
Matthews daddy and I often talk late into the night about the little fella, the same way I guess most parents of Autistic children often do, the conversations and expectations always being different to the ones about our other children ..it always comes back to the same thing.. sometimes it seems like one look, one smile, speaks volumes, yet the words never follow.
Anyway, I managed to get The Future under control and tell it to mind its own business and ''we are all doing just fine and dandy, thankyou very much'' and let my mind ease and calm and push the thoughts back to remembering that the smile on Matthews face speaks for him in a way that he doesnt need words.. the smile came from a place it wasnt before and the words if they need to, may follow...
So The Future can run with us, rather than us run with it.