Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Future....?

So... The Future kept me awake last night...

The Future decided to rampage around my thoughts, posing questions about Matthew that dont often surface amidst the sea of optimism about how well he is progressing since 'the diagnosis'

The Future had the cheek to remind me that Matthew will be 4 in a few weeks time and it decided a timely little jolt was in order to remind me that when Matthews older brother celebrated being 4, there was all manner of celebration and words to tell him what a big boy he was and all manner of replies back, that 'yes, indeed he was' all said with a big proud grin and that he would be starting 'big' school in a few months to follow.

Matthew, however... is the Quiet Man, a boy of few words which we now know is part of his diagnosis of Autism ..yet, one look in his eyes, very often says more than what 50 words could try and express. Blessed with a wicked sense of humour, beautiful eyes and a spirit that gives him more character than any words could capture, Matthew is a force to be reckoned with.

So why was it then, that The Future managed to have its wicked way and run rampant through me, questioning all the unspoken worries for Matthew? Why does it make my heart ache wanting to be able to see inside his head and know his thoughts when the smile on his face often says all I need to know?

Matthews daddy and I often talk late into the night about the little fella, the same way I guess most parents of Autistic children often do, the conversations and expectations always being different to the ones about our other children always comes back to the same thing.. sometimes it seems like one look, one smile, speaks volumes, yet the words never follow.

Anyway, I managed to get The Future under control and tell it to mind its own business and ''we are all doing just fine and dandy, thankyou very much'' and let my mind ease and calm and push the thoughts back to remembering that the smile on Matthews face speaks for him in a way that he doesnt need words.. the smile came from a place it wasnt before and the words if they need to, may follow...

So The Future can run with us, rather than us run with it.


  1. Blondie, lovely first post, delighted you took the plunge. 'The future' is something I tend to avoid, or at least I don't look much beyond starting school and I only go that far as I had to get HRHs' name down because of waiting lists. Its hard to look too far ahead, easier to focus on the smile that says it all right now, in this moment. I hope the future always runs beside you and follows your directions:) Jen

  2. Fantastic first post Blondie, sometimes we can't help but look into the future and wonder what will become of our children, for the time being I am happy just to look into the next day and see what that brings. Hope he always has his lovely smile and for now thats all you need to

  3. Welcome to the blogging world! My name is Lora and my autistic son and I live in North Carolina USA. I have been blogging for 5 years and it has been very cathartic for me. Feel free to paruse our blog.

    The Future does that to me too. I, like you, make it mind its own business and keep myself in the present.....counting my blessings with each day.

    I look forward to following you and your family and reading the blog as you express the joy and pain of autism.

  4. Worry is what keeps us going and fighting

    Loved it, can't wait for more xx

  5. What a lovely first blog! Looking forward to reading more! Me and the future aren't on speaking terms at the moment - it's just not a place I'm willing to go. But the few times i do venture there, I also have a wee chat with the past and remind myself how far we've come xx

  6. Love your first post Blondie...can't wait for more! Future schmuture, that's what i say! Enjoy the here and now XXX (OK, sometimes I lie awake at night too...)

  7. A great first post :) I try to avoid The Future but like an unwanted guest, it turns up when we least want it to, disturbing our sleep patterns and perplexing us when all we want is to enjoy the here and now and not look too far ahead. Try to ignore the fecker when you need to and only go there when needs be. Look forward to reading more xxx

  8. brilliant post! I find it too difficult to look at the future and try to take it one day at a time, it has slowed my thinking down a lot, but, sometimes you just can't help it especially when you have older children and have seen them grow.xx